Considerations to Make Before a Divorce

While money and kids are the most significant practical
considerations in trying to decide whether to stay married or
get a divorce, they are not the only ones. There is a wide range
of factors that are important to different people: involvement
with a home or garden, being in business together and not
wanting to lose what they have worked for, elderly parents who
would be hurt by their divorce, and the impact on their
relationship with friends and other family members.

Concern about the reaction of family members often becomes a
real barrier to thinking clearly about whether to stay or leave.
Unfortunately, regardless of the circumstances leading up to the
decision, a person who decides to get a divorce frequently feels
they are "blamed" for the failure of the marriage.

Most people realize there will be changes in their family
relationships after a divorce, but they are seldom prepared for
just how alienated some parts of the family may become. Staying
in touch with a spouse's family when the divorce is the result
of an affair can be exceptionally difficult. And if contact is
maintained, it may be quite stained and uncomfortable for all
concerned. Some people make the mistake of trying to force new
patterns of family interactions too quickly following a divorce,
when everyone is still trying to adjust to the situation. But
being patient and taking things one day at a time makes it more
tolerable in the short term, as well as more likely that it will
become easier with the passage of time.

There is another important consideration for the person trying
to make a decision about marriage vs. divorce: An emotional
issue like affairs often alienates family members from both of
the people involved, regardless of whether they stay married or
get a divorce. It is understandable that the relatives of the
person who did not have the affair may align themselves with
that that person, but their intense criticism and hostility
toward the spouse who had an affair may add to the turmoil of
the situation. Surprisingly, the relatives of the person who did
have an affair may avoid contact with the one who did not have
an affair. Usually based on their discomfort with the whole
situation and the tendency in society to suppress open
discussion of affairs. It will help to acknowledge in advance
that some valued family relationships will be damaged, and to be
prepared to work to gradually improve them.

For more information on where to get help after divorce, divorce
laws, divorce courts, effects of divorce on the children,
divorce procedures or divorce preparation, please visit the
following website: http://divorce.mygeneralknowledge.com.



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